When I was 20, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I wanted to have it ALL. I wanted a successful career and a large house, full of kids.
God has taken me on a circular journey of sorts: dashing my dreams of what I thought I wanted (in my 20s, I thought it was career and financial success; in my 30s, I thought it was full-time homemaking and homeschooling) and bringing me to a place of total dependence on his plans for me.
This is a hard post to write because I have spent the last two decades chasing after something I wanted with my whole heart. And therein lies the confession and the stumbling block: my whole-hearted devotion has been focused on the wrong things.
Why did I want to become a famous newscasater? Public adoration, praise, and accolades for my talent and skill. Why did I want to become a full-time, academically and theologically rigorous homeschool mom? Public adoration, praise, and accolades for my “obedience” to God and subsequent churning out of great kids (though no guarantees, you know).
Within the last two years, though, God has brought me to the end of my assumptions about his plans for me.
I’m discovering the freedom in Christ that allows me to be the woman God made me to be, and I’m realizing she’s not much like the woman I had been pursuing.
That’s because God has called me to something else—a hybrid of all those characteristics. God has made me an entrepreneurially-minded, creative woman. I love my family to the extent I’d throw myself in front of a train for them, but too much “togetherness” and I begin to disintegrate. I despise housework (and am not good at it, to boot), but I love reciting the Catechism with my kids. I don’t have the affinity nor the attention span to glue together popsicle sticks to make wooden replicas of historic buildings, but I love navigating the hard topics of religion, politics, and—yes—sex, on a second-grade level with my daughter. I hate playing outside, but I love encouraging my kids in how to confidently shake hands and speak to adults.
The women of the Bible possess these types of complexities, I believe. I see the widow in 2 Kings 4 as having these various complexities: interests and abilities that are both creative and entrepreneurial. God meets this woman in her time of need by revealing his power through his prophet and through her.
How has God gifted you?
How has God used your gifts to meet your needs and bring glory to himself?